I will be taking a little quiet time as I revel in this new baby and even bigger family life. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these guest posts by some really fabulous ladies. I know I’m eternally grateful they are willing to step into this space for me and open their hearts up. Enjoy!
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The Gift of Motherhood … through the Gift of Step-parenting by Cynthia

While I have never had the thrill of feeling a life grow inside of me past 12 weeks (3 pregnancies and 3 miscarriages coupled with a much later diagnosis of lead poisoning which would preclude my carrying a child to full term), many years ago I was given the gift of parenting through my stepson Nick.

Nick and I met each other just shy of his 2nd birthday. His Dad and I had had a deep relationship 6 years prior and ‘found’ each other again through a wonderful series of coincidences (he and his ex-wife split just after Nick’s 1st birthday). Ed’s instinct to introduce me to Nick was astute. On our first day together, this darling little boy with huge brown eyes and a million dollar smile spent the day just watching me…and falling asleep in my arms three times. A love story was born.

Over the 16+ years I have known Nick I have come to realize that parenting isn’t always a gift of biology, sometimes it is a gift of grace. I have been blessed to have been bestowed with a child who loves me beyond all reason and who accepts me as his parent. As a step-parent, rightly or wrongly, I have never forgotten my role in Nick’s life. Nick hasn’t felt the same way – he simply sees me as the mother he deserves to have. Not as a substitute for his neglectful, abusive mother but as his God given Mother, the one he was supposed to have all along. That he loves me of his own choice, his own free will is incredible and an experience I will always cherish.

Nick has been an exceptional relationship for me. As he has grown up – he will be 19 this May – he has exhibited this clarity of knowing and accepting who I am, my weaknesses, my strengths and my value simply as his mother. He has loved me absolutely, without judgement or boundary. He has accepted limit setting, consequences and punishment (he is after all a kid who has messed up and challenged us as any kid does) without throwing up the ‘step-parent’ or the ‘you’re not’ missiles.

Interestingly enough Nick and I have ended up sharing so many of the same characteristics, some of them quite humorous. We both have a tendency towards obsessive and compulsive behaviour and we have artistic temperaments combined with passionate natures. We both possess quick wits and a love of great food. And laughter. Lots of it. And then there is a flair for the dramatic.

Ed often says we are like an old married couple based on the manner of our interactions (can you say lively?) – I think we are more like two old souls as we banter, argue and debate issues on the full spectrum of intellect and emotionality. Nick is the child of my heart. The gift of his presence in my life is one that continues to open and for which I will be eternally thankful.

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Cynthia is a wife, mother, and friend extraordinaire (just ask me how I know). She lives in an old farmhouse with her family, her dogs, and her extensive yarn stash. She writes at A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That.

{ 8 comments }

I will be taking a little quiet time as I revel in this new baby and even bigger family life. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these guest posts by some really fabulous ladies. I know I’m eternally grateful they are willing to step into this space for me and open their hearts up. Enjoy!
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Reminiscing by Ellen

Motherhood.
Numerous adjectives, adverbs, verbs and nouns spring to mind when I hear that word. Most likely all the words in the dictionary could somehow funnel into that one word. Such an important word, really. So much good (even amidst trials) wrapped up in being a mother. So much to learn…

My children often like to pull out our family albums and giggle and point to when they were younger and oh how ‘awful’ and ‘dated’ everyone appeared. Certainly, photographs bring back memories. I find myself reminiscing and sometimes wishing that I could go back and start over again. How I would change things. How I would change…well…me.

Funny, how being a mother teaches you oh so many things about yourself that you couldn’t imagine possible. Funny, too, how prior to giving birth to your over-9-pound brood (3 of our 4 babes were over 9 lbs!), you so easily fell into the trap of judging other parents and vowing that ‘you would never raise your child that way…’

So if I could find a miracle of a time machine and write a letter to myself to when I was just beginning (and a reminder now), I would relay the following:

Be more patient. Exceedingly so.
Be more kind and gentle.
Be a better listener.
Try to say an encouraging word EVERY day.
Give sincere praises when a job is well done or an attitude is improved.
Pray.
Pray again.
Pray without ceasing.
Humility is learned.
Be willing to ask for forgiveness when you’ve wronged your child.

Potty training will end!
Your hair will grow back!
Let grandparents spoil your children.
Grandparents: they’re not as dumb after all!
They are sages to be sure.
Laughter is fun and needed.
Being able to laugh at yourself and the situation is of the utmost.

Encourage creativity.
Messes are OKAY!
Let a picky eater eat in peace.
(They’ll outgrow their pickiness. Eventually…maybe by age 30?)
Laundry can wait.
But teach chores when they’re young!
Smile daily.

Take lots of photographs.
Take more.
And when you think you have enough…take more.
Take as many of your littlest one as you did your firstborn.
Scrape together pennies to purchase a video camera before your 1st 4th baby is born…
Then remember to actually use it…

Hug your children several times a day.
Especially teens.
Embrace the differences in your children rather than molding them into what YOU think they ought to be.
Realize that not all babies are super cuddly and some are downright whiny…but still need lots of love.
Know that YOU will make lots and lots and lots of mistakes. Did I say lots? I meant GOBS.

Play games. Lots of games. Even if it’s the SAME game every day…
Let them lead the play time rather than the other way around.
Children don’t need every toy known to man even if the toys are wooden, natural and educational…
It’s okay to eat cereal for dinner.
It’s okay to follow that up with ice cream.
It’s good to raise your voice at times.
No yelling allowed.
Once again, model forgiveness…

Read to your children.
Read the Bible daily to your children.
Pray for and with your children.
Spend time with your children. Quality and quantity.
Try not to dwell on the past or worry about the future…
Trust the Lord in all things! He knows best.

Time and trials and joys teach you many things about who you are and who you want your children to be. And what legacy you want to leave with them so they can pass on those traits (hopefully, just the good ones!) to the next generation…

P.S. – the ‘letter’ is not finished…

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Ellen is am a homeschooling mother of 4 and wife to 1, knitter, and cooks some of the most amazing meals for her family. She blogs Hurrayic.

{ 11 comments }

I will be taking a little quiet time as I revel in this new baby and even bigger family life. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these guest posts by some really fabulous ladies. I know I’m eternally grateful they are willing to step into this space for me and open their hearts up. Enjoy!
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where i am happiest by christina

the morning is slow going. the sun is peeking through the curtains, but i’m not fooled, the frost on the window ledge, lets me know the frigid, cold weather has arrived. the warm bed would be nice to stay in but alas, my teenagers will soon be down to the table. i am mama to a soon to be seventeen year old son, and a soon to be, sixteen year old daughter. we homeschool at an old farm table, and the dress is casual, mostly pj’s, thick socks and sweaters. today begins with re-reading our most favorite parts of the book to kill a mocking bird.

“she seemed glad to see me when i appeared in the kitchen, and by watching her i began to think there was some skill involved in being a girl.” harper lee

i pour my coffee and can’t help but think back to a conversation, hubby and i had the other day. we were speaking about parenting, and just like that {snap} a light bulb went on, within me. i looked at my husband and said, “i am their mother.” we couldn’t help but get a good chuckle, out of that one. i guess there are days being a mother hits me more than others. motherhood goosebumps appear, when the kids are away too long, and i haven’t gotten a call, or first dates come along. don’t even go there about the driving and the car keys. raising eyebrow. ; ) motherhood rests itself on my chest like an elephant, when their hearts get broken or they are sick. this too shall pass my dear, i can hear my grandmothers voice, reminding me.

rather our days are spent studying, talking about universities, teenage bickering or making a big pot of gungo peas and rice, i wouldn’t dare rush these moments along. i am madly confident, that being a mother, is where i am happiest.

thank you for having me amanda and blessings to you and your family.

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Christina is a wife, mama, chef, photographer, and writer that is all heart, all love. She waxes poetic at Soul Aperture.

{ 14 comments }

I will be taking a little quiet time as I revel in this new baby and family life. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these guest posts by some really fabulous ladies. I know I’m eternally grateful they are willing to step into this space for me and open their hearts up. Enjoy!
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Happy Heart by Lady Cordelia

The other day I was reading a blog* that I visit a few times a week. The blogger was asking (and I paraphrase) why adults/parents/ teachers ask kids: What do you want to be when you grow up? Instead of asking them: What makes your heart happy?

As a kid who was naturally encouraged to follow her heart, I had never reason to ponder such words. But, as a parent, I found the posed question very powerful. Especially since the “work-force” world is even more demanding today than 20 years ago.

Yeah Yeah Yeah. It’s great to “do what you love,” I think to myself….but what about college?

I didn’t last in college. And I turned out ok. But maybe I was lucky. And maybe I’d be bringing in even more money if I had gone to college. But maybe I’d be miserable at the way I was bringing in the money. Plenty of miserable wealthy people in the world, you know. Sitting at desks, pushing buttons. I love what I do. Money can’t buy that.

My five-year-old has taken ballet for several years. Part of me wants her to keep up with it because I think she shows potential as a dancer. And, it’s good to learn to stick with something, you know. Instead, I ask her what she loves. I love nature. She says. Insects and stuff.

So, the next day her dad took her and her little sister on a hike. When they came home all three were rosy-cheeked with leaves stuck to their sweaters, giggling and telling stories of falling off fences and running with sticks (glad I wasn’t there.)

That night I read my 5-year-old books on rivers, rainforests and deserts.

It seems simple now to let my girls follow their passions and dreams. But what about later? If you ask my parents, they would say that it’s simple the whole way through. My dad and mom always trusted that my passions would carry me just fine.

So I start asking my girls: what makes your heart happy? Because if it makes your heart happy, it’s a passion. And if it’s a passion, you want to keep going with it, see what’s around the next corner and let it take you there, like a magic carpet.

*The inspiring blog mentioned in the post is located here.

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Cordelia lives life fully with her family and a menagerie of ducks, chickens, and dogs. She has recently unearthed a new-to-her passion for cooking and baking and regales us with her ups and downs in the kitchen at Lady Cordelia.

{ 12 comments }

I will be taking a little quiet time as I revel in this new baby and even bigger family life. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these guest posts by some really fabulous ladies. I know I’m eternally grateful they are willing to step into this space for me and open their hearts up. Enjoy!
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This Mama Meditates by Fanny Priest

Over the course of my life I have tried in various unsuccessful fits and starts to develop a meditation practice. It always seemed like a beneficial thing I should be doing, and I enjoyed it when I sat for meditation, but I guess I enjoyed not meditating even more. I never would have thought that the most time-poor, sleep-deprived, freaked-out time of my life would be the soil in which a rich and vibrant meditating practice would take root, but there you have it. I’m a meditating mama, and loving every minute I spend on the cushion.

Whenever Silas goes down for his morning nap, or whenever he gets passed into another set of arms, the first thing I do is hit the cushion. I will meditate on the back porch, in my studio, on the bedroom floor. I have sat with Silas next to me in his vibrating bouncer when he was still a newborn; I have meditated with him across my lap, after (or even during!) long nursing sessions; I have sat with him bouncing away in his exersaucer. Meditating does not guarantee a day that flows smoothly and pleasantly–far from it. But there has not been a day that has not been improved by spending some time on the cushion, and on days when I miss it, I really miss it: like, missing-limb miss it.

Why meditate? Why, as a mama, squander whatever precious few moments we have to ourselves just sitting there doing nothing? I will let my mama guru Karen Maezen Miller speak on this point:

A regular (or irregular!) meditation practice will give you more of the focus and discipline you need to do everything else: listen, talk, teach, comfort, work, play, relax, go to sleep, wake up, and do it all over again. It’s a little bit of attention paid to yourself so you can give all the rest of your attention away.

(Italics mine; from Momma Zen.)

Meditation is an incredible supporting practice for everything I do as a mother. Meditation is essentially the practice of training one’s awareness on the present moment; to follow the rise and fall of the breath; to focus on what is and know that thoughts are just thoughts, that they have no more weight or substance than the clouds in the sky. Meditation is not the practice of trying to stop thoughts from occurring–this would be as reasonable and feasible as trying to contain a rising tide–but instead to learn that our thoughts are not the only measure of what constitutes reality.

This has been invaluable for me, as motherhood came with an arsenal of scary thoughts. It has literally been life-saving to remember that they are just passing through, like clouds in the sky–some white and fluffy, some ominous and heavy–and that my mind, my day, need not be marred by them any more than the sky bears marks of passing clouds. But that is just one reason why I love my meditation practice so much.

The eminently wise Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “We sit to enjoy our sitting.” I really do enjoy just sitting there. While I sit on my cushion, for those 5, 10, 15 daily minutes, nothing else needs to happen. I set my timer, sit up straight but relaxed, and I can just be. Now that the habit is built in, my body just naturally relaxes, simply by taking its mountain shape on the cushion. During that time all I need to tend to is my breath. I don’t need to wrestle with any questions of identity. I don’t need to work on improving myself or my surroundings. I don’t need to accomplish anything, I don’t need to make that time “worthwhile” or “make it count” by any external measure. I do not need anything; nothing needs me. When I sit, that is all there is to it. Nothing else in my life is that spacious, simple or straightforward. Nothing else in my life is as necessary, except maybe food, and sleep, but motherhood has taught me that even these can be done without, at least temporarily. I do not sit in order to become a calmer, sweeter, more grounded person, though I believe it does over time yield those results. I do not sit in order to be a better mom, although I shudder to think what sort of mom I would be without it. Seated meditation practice is its own rich, deep, sweet reward.

My hope is that you be inspired to try it. Though the practice is best learnt directly from a teacher there are many resources out there to help you take the plunge. Karen Maezen Miller’s books are a great place to start, as are Pema Chodron’s. Susan Piver’s Open Heart Project is a wealth of grounded, simple, practical teachings on meditation and includes guided practices. This video offers short, clear, concise instruction on how to meditate. (Don’t worry about sitting in lotus pose! By all means, sit in a chair! No gold stars for sitting on the floor.)

If you do decide to give it a go–or if you already enjoy the benefits of meditation–drop me a line at mamaherenow@gmail.com. I’d love to hear all about it!

I know knitters will ask: in the picture above I am wearing a shawl knitted from the Textured Shawl Recipe, out of Sundara’s Aran Silky Merino in the Viridescent colorway.

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Fanny Priest, a yoga teacher, iPhoneographer and mama of a busy crawler, lives in Texas, and blogs at mamaherenow.

{ 8 comments }