in my basket

May 16, 2012

and the cap sleeved sweater is finished. the poulette loves it. she even loves the color even though it isn’t an electric shade of purple.

her favorite part is the way the sleeves curl up. this is a quick, easy knit and should provide a warm layer for her this coming autumn. i might even knit up one or two more because the outpouring (downright gushing) of love that child showed me after giving her her sweater was enough to make me and my knitting feel very appreciated.

i’ve just started reading trail of crumbs. as i’ve only just begun, i’ll save any commentary until i’m further along. i’ve also just cast on a short sleeved seamless yoke sweater for the red bean.

what’s in your basket?

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inspired by ginny, and my love of knitting and reading, i’m participating in yarn along.

{ 27 comments }

that motherhood thing

May 15, 2012

i’ll be honest and tell you the only reason i care about mother’s day is completely selfish. the mr. always asks what our plans are (read: what my expectations are) so i tell him, lunch out but saturday not sunday because i don’t like dealing with the church crowd, and quiet, lots and lots of quiet. i don’t care about cards or flowers. i want quiet. i want to be alone. but here’s the thing: once they’re out of the house, i’ll do a quick survey and straighten up. then i’ll sit down with a book or maybe knitting and a movie and about half an hour in i find my mind wandering, wondering where they are, what they’re doing. so i text the mr. i know, i know, mea culpa. it’s true, i have a sickness and it is my kids.

i’m with them all day every single day. no babysitter. no family to help. its been all i’ve known for the last ten and half years and to be away from them feels strange. i’ll look up from my book to tell the red bean something funny i just read only she’s not there. i’m guessing i’m like an amputee with phantom pain only my children are the missing limbs.

here’s the thing, i get caught up in the laundry, finding the nacho’s missing shoe, the dishes, getting five littles out the door and into the car, the legos underfoot, the rotating artwork on the walls (i swear they use a roll of tape a week), getting the library books back on time, the dust bunnies that won’t quit breeding…i could go on but you get the idea. i get caught up in all the doing for them and with them, the breathlessness of motherhood, and then they aren’t here and i miss them terribly. i’ve become an adrenaline junkie without the extreme sports. those little people, my high.

they take me out to lunch saturday. a lovely lunch really and there were gifts from the three older kids. the red bean made me a card, a bracelet. the frog prince hands me a wad of toilet paper covered in scotch tape. i finally managed to open it to reveal a rock and a bottle cap. i look at him and he’s beaming. he tells me, “i found that rock in our yard and that is my favorite bottle cap but you can have it.” i look across the table at the mr. and can see the laugh he’s trying to suppress. the poulette hands me her gift, a bundle wrapped in paper and tied with string. i look at the string and ask her, “did you cut this string off the dust mop?” she looks at me like i’m crazy and says, “no, i found it in the hall.” the mr. starts laughing and i’m right there laughing with him because it is a string off the dust broom. then we’re all laughing and nodding our heads, this is classic poulette, it is so her. she made me a bracelet that would probably fit around my upper thigh. i gush and acknowledge my gifts and they feel quite pleased with themselves.

and that request for a quiet day? didn’t happen. the little miss seems to have found her voice and decided to put it to good use. all day long there were little squeals and gurgles coming from her. if i turned her in my lap so she was facing me, she just talked and talked and talked, all smiles, quite pleased with herself. there was that little part of me that thought, just a little quiet, please, i silently begged as i looked into her eyes. i finished saying my silent prayer and there she was, drool everywhere, smiling at me with her whole body and telling me something. in that moment my mama heart melted, i gave into the demands of the baby, my expectations of a quiet and peaceful day, and i cooed and squealed right back at her. she’s a squishy, cuddly reminder that this mama thing isn’t always breathlessness and rush, rush, rush, sometimes it’s just enough to slow down and savor the moment because this, it’s just a different kind of high, a high full of love and squeals and drool.

ps: photo credit goes to the red bean. if there were sound effects to go with that photo, you’d hear her squealing.

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linking up with just write today.

{ 32 comments }

weekending

May 13, 2012

weekending. my favorite part of the week. a time to relax, live, love, just be. if you’d like to share your weekend either with words, photographs, or both, leave a link to your weekend post or flickr photo in the comments.
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this weekend was thunderstorm wet and grey
slipping out early to run a few errands
running into a friend at the café, a much needed hug
wondering why target doesn’t have cup holders on their carts*
lunch with my favorite people
a much needed pedicure
laughing on the phone with my grandparents
homemade chocolate ice cream and local strawberries
ice cold goodness while watching the kids play charades
laughter and good tears over their antics
today, they made me breakfast and cleaned the kitchen
up there is the photographic proof
they have vowed to give me a day off, full of quiet
and yet the nacho is at my elbow in full meltdown
baby fussing in my arms
happy mother’s day, eh?
i am about to forge ahead
settle in with a book and see if i can make my own quiet
tonight i’m looking forward to sushi takeout and this
happy mother’s day my friends

how was your weekend?

* awesome idea, n’est-ce pas? and while we’re at it, whole foods too. they both have cafés so it would make sense to provide a cup holder.

{ 41 comments }

weekending

May 6, 2012

weekending. my favorite part of the week. a time to relax, live, love, just be. if you’d like to share your weekend either with words, photographs, or both, leave a link to your weekend post or flickr photo in the comments.
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flipping blueberry pancakes
running through sprinklers
reading under the shade of our magnolia
my little lass bathed in dappled light
welcoming the milk moon
downton abbey season 2
waking up between my little lass and the nacho
first iced coffee of the season
extra half & half just because
diapers on the clothesline

how was your weekend?

ps: i’m in need of some quiet time. i’ll see you back here in a few days!

{ 55 comments }

hello friday!

May 4, 2012

half empty
:: deciding on a name for a new project only to find the url unavailable. boo. it was a good one too. back to the drawing board (url wise, not project wise. i still love the idea for the project).
:: air conditioner on the fritz. apparently we need a new coil or some such thingamajiggy. the man says he’ll be here tuesday morning at 7 a.m. to fix it. i will be sweaty and cranky until then. apologies in advance.
:: stupid doctor’s group that won’t call me back re: 832$ bill. y’all know what that charge is for? the less than five minutes an er doctor spent with my wee girl listening to her heart and lungs before sending us to the nicu last december. since when is five minutes of anyone’s time worth 832$?

half full
:: a week spent in good company, alternating between french and english, feeling that part of me come alive again.
:: new washi tape from here. there were three sets but the kids have already laid claim to one. i expect to find notes and drawings washi taped everywhere.
:: discovering some new (to me) poets in the comments on this post. we’re still on a poetry bender over here and well, seriously y’all, i’m loving it.
:: receiving word that the nacho will most likely be discharged from pt at the end of the month. relief. he has made so much progress and i am so thankful for all the therapists that have helped him on his way.
:: making big jars full of jewel colored iced herbal tea. we’re loving the tartness of hibiscus and rose hips.
:: it’s only the beginning of may but i’m already giving daily thanks for my ice maker.
:: netflix has decided it is finally my turn for this. cannot even begin to explain how excited i am.

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i’m linking up with mon over at ink + chai for keeping it real.

{ 47 comments }

in my basket

May 2, 2012

reading, reading, reading this past week. i read a midwife’s apprenctice as the red bean wanted to read it and it was in the young adult section at the library. so i gave it a read, can’t for the life of me fathom that it qualifies as young adult, neither in writing nor content. i found the writing to be on the simple side, story not terribly well developed. the red bean enjoyed it and thought it could be better as well. i’ve also been reading rumors of water. i’ve enjoyed this book. more thoughts on writing, the writing life, but i enjoyed her approach, the weaving together of writing and motherhood and life. and the manuscript. it’s the mr.’s and i’m giving it a read and edit. exciting!

on the knitting front, pockets. fourteen wee pockets for sweet lori to take to africa with her. the kids helped go through the scrap bag, choosing bright colors, and crocheting straps. and now that the pouches have been mailed to lori, i think it’s time for something new on the needles…big decisions!

what’s in your basket?

ps: may link love is up!!! ————->

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inspired by ginny, and my love of knitting and reading, i’m participating in yarn along.

{ 35 comments }

the story of you

May 1, 2012

four months. already.

four months of looking at you, drinking you in, trying to suss out who you look like. the red in your hair when we’re in the sun. that is totally from your great grandmother. and just so you know, she’d beam with pride to see one of her great grandchildren with her red hair. she’d laugh that laugh of hers and wring her hands with joy to see that hair of yours ablaze in the light. yours nose is mine. and your upper lip, too.

you are the one that refuses to be put down. you must be held. if not by me, you better damned well be able to see me because you aren’t afraid of complaining. vociferously. and so, we have been conditioned. you will have your way. you will be held, rocked, cuddled, and swayed.

you sit on my lap chewing your fingers (sometimes two hands worth of fingers) and drooling. watching my knitting needles, watching kids screaming by in their play. you are held in the crook of my bent elbow, slobbering on my shoulder while i stir pots and slice avocado, dancing on my hip to the music that fills our kitchen during dinner prep.

you smiling your big gummy smile, mouth wide, eyes twinkling. you with your brand new eyes, so shining! so bright! so blue! where’d you get those blue eyes? nevermind. you are wholly you.

ps: linking up with heather today for just write.

{ 42 comments }

poetry in life

April 30, 2012

in honor of national poetry month and seeing as this is the last day of the month (oops!), i thought you should know we’ve been immersed* in poetry this past month. ankle deep people, ankle deep in words and rhythms and images. in my 41 before 41 post i included read more poetry (see no. 20) and i have been dutifully reading more poetry. i subscribed to every day poems and am greeted with a poem in my inbox every morning. i’ve also been getting a poem a day from bentlily.

we’ve listened to auden, tennyson, and yeats. mama listened to some sexton, plath, and pound. the older three kids have had immense fun with jabberwocky (again. it never gets old does it?) and have even tried their hands at writing nonsense poems (i have been forbidden from sharing and i shall remain respectful).

and there you have it. as though our lives weren’t filled with enough poetry of the every day variety, we’ve added more: words, stanzas, meter, verse. and all these things, they’ve helped us appreciate the poetry to be found in our daily lives and rhythms.

do you have a favorite poet? poem?

* the red bean would say we’ve been awash in it, she is a word fiend already.

{ 32 comments }

weekending

April 29, 2012

weekending. my favorite part of the week. a time to relax, live, love, just be. if you’d like to share your weekend either with words, photographs, or both, leave a link to your weekend post or flickr photo in the comments.
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the weekend started with red wine and pizza and this
all good things on their own but when combined, well
there was greatness and laughter and singing along
then kidlets in bed and there was sherlock and knitting while the mr. played draw something
i went to change the little bit’s diaper before bed and heard what sounded like bouncing
walking down the hall toward the living room, i see the mr., iphone in hand, singing and dancing to this
and i mean dancing as in full on 80s dancing, arms going side to side
he tells me it was hugely popular, the kids in the bars would go wild when it came on
i just chuckle a bit because i was still in middle school
sporting braces and a bad perm* my mom foisted on me
and he was in bars, dancing – crazy

saturday morning my wee lass woke up early, as in with the sun early so
i made coffee and caught up on emails in the silence
the mr. took the kidlets across the street to the park after breakfast
i could hear them, their laughter and squeals carried on the breeze through my windows
and i just puttered around
couldn’t commit to doing any one thing
emailing with a kindred spirit**
a little straightening (stacks of books are beginning to grow too tall, too crooked)
listening to this and this, a little dancing with baby on the hip
drool on the shoulder (classy!)
hearing my dad’s voice in my head as i replay a few tall tales he recently relayed,
smiling to myself when i think of his craziness
and then, the cacophony of four little people and one big one
crashing through the door, hungry, and sweaty
apparently there was a birthday party at the park
elmo was there and he tried to shake hands with the nacho
the nacho growled at him, yes, yes, he growled
i kinda love that
we herded them off to a local mexican joint with a patio for a late lunch
tacos and margaritas, my feet in the mr.’s lap
brainstorming and daydreaming and what ifs
laughing ourselves to tears
this is what it’s all about

awake too early again today
the girls already playing in the backyard, boys still sleeping
i think this morning needs breakfast burritos, chorizo, scrambled eggs
more coffee
that issue of kinfolk, a treat from the mr. a few weeks ago
today, i’m finally digging in
pushing everything else to the side
the laundry, the dust bunnies, the dishes can wait
today i’m going to read and enjoy the company of my mr.
before he leaves again
before the craziness this week will be bringing our way

sending you thoughts of peace and light

ps: how was your weekend? do tell.

* still haven’t forgiven her for that.
** love to each and every single one you kindred spirits this blog has brought into my life.

{ 57 comments }

keeping it real

April 27, 2012

valleys:
:: a sleepless night lying in the dark i hear the quiet of the house, him snoring, her crying out in pain.
:: work stuff still up in the air making us crazy and moody and worried about money and bills. yuck.
:: hearing the constant banging and thumping of workers building a house down the street. it makes my head hurt.

peaks:
:: my wee lass finally finding sleep in the early morning hours, nursing and humming herself into slumber, curled up against me. i listen to her rhythmic breathing and finally succumb to sleep.
:: listening to new-to-me music. loving this and this
:: getting packages and letters ready to put in the mail. i love snail mail both the sending and receiving. do you enjoy handwritten notes?

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i’m linking up with momalom for five for five today. as well, i’m linking up with mon over at ink + chai for keeping it real, and with six word fridays.

{ 52 comments }