I will be taking a little quiet time as I revel in this new baby and even bigger family life. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these guest posts by some really fabulous ladies. I know I’m eternally grateful they are willing to step into this space for me and open their hearts up. Enjoy!
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The Gift of Motherhood … through the Gift of Step-parenting by Cynthia

While I have never had the thrill of feeling a life grow inside of me past 12 weeks (3 pregnancies and 3 miscarriages coupled with a much later diagnosis of lead poisoning which would preclude my carrying a child to full term), many years ago I was given the gift of parenting through my stepson Nick.

Nick and I met each other just shy of his 2nd birthday. His Dad and I had had a deep relationship 6 years prior and ‘found’ each other again through a wonderful series of coincidences (he and his ex-wife split just after Nick’s 1st birthday). Ed’s instinct to introduce me to Nick was astute. On our first day together, this darling little boy with huge brown eyes and a million dollar smile spent the day just watching me…and falling asleep in my arms three times. A love story was born.

Over the 16+ years I have known Nick I have come to realize that parenting isn’t always a gift of biology, sometimes it is a gift of grace. I have been blessed to have been bestowed with a child who loves me beyond all reason and who accepts me as his parent. As a step-parent, rightly or wrongly, I have never forgotten my role in Nick’s life. Nick hasn’t felt the same way – he simply sees me as the mother he deserves to have. Not as a substitute for his neglectful, abusive mother but as his God given Mother, the one he was supposed to have all along. That he loves me of his own choice, his own free will is incredible and an experience I will always cherish.

Nick has been an exceptional relationship for me. As he has grown up – he will be 19 this May – he has exhibited this clarity of knowing and accepting who I am, my weaknesses, my strengths and my value simply as his mother. He has loved me absolutely, without judgement or boundary. He has accepted limit setting, consequences and punishment (he is after all a kid who has messed up and challenged us as any kid does) without throwing up the ‘step-parent’ or the ‘you’re not’ missiles.

Interestingly enough Nick and I have ended up sharing so many of the same characteristics, some of them quite humorous. We both have a tendency towards obsessive and compulsive behaviour and we have artistic temperaments combined with passionate natures. We both possess quick wits and a love of great food. And laughter. Lots of it. And then there is a flair for the dramatic.

Ed often says we are like an old married couple based on the manner of our interactions (can you say lively?) – I think we are more like two old souls as we banter, argue and debate issues on the full spectrum of intellect and emotionality. Nick is the child of my heart. The gift of his presence in my life is one that continues to open and for which I will be eternally thankful.

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Cynthia is a wife, mother, and friend extraordinaire (just ask me how I know). She lives in an old farmhouse with her family, her dogs, and her extensive yarn stash. She writes at A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That.

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I will be taking a little quiet time as I revel in this new baby and even bigger family life. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these guest posts by some really fabulous ladies. I know I’m eternally grateful they are willing to step into this space for me and open their hearts up. Enjoy!
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Reminiscing by Ellen

Motherhood.
Numerous adjectives, adverbs, verbs and nouns spring to mind when I hear that word. Most likely all the words in the dictionary could somehow funnel into that one word. Such an important word, really. So much good (even amidst trials) wrapped up in being a mother. So much to learn…

My children often like to pull out our family albums and giggle and point to when they were younger and oh how ‘awful’ and ‘dated’ everyone appeared. Certainly, photographs bring back memories. I find myself reminiscing and sometimes wishing that I could go back and start over again. How I would change things. How I would change…well…me.

Funny, how being a mother teaches you oh so many things about yourself that you couldn’t imagine possible. Funny, too, how prior to giving birth to your over-9-pound brood (3 of our 4 babes were over 9 lbs!), you so easily fell into the trap of judging other parents and vowing that ‘you would never raise your child that way…’

So if I could find a miracle of a time machine and write a letter to myself to when I was just beginning (and a reminder now), I would relay the following:

Be more patient. Exceedingly so.
Be more kind and gentle.
Be a better listener.
Try to say an encouraging word EVERY day.
Give sincere praises when a job is well done or an attitude is improved.
Pray.
Pray again.
Pray without ceasing.
Humility is learned.
Be willing to ask for forgiveness when you’ve wronged your child.

Potty training will end!
Your hair will grow back!
Let grandparents spoil your children.
Grandparents: they’re not as dumb after all!
They are sages to be sure.
Laughter is fun and needed.
Being able to laugh at yourself and the situation is of the utmost.

Encourage creativity.
Messes are OKAY!
Let a picky eater eat in peace.
(They’ll outgrow their pickiness. Eventually…maybe by age 30?)
Laundry can wait.
But teach chores when they’re young!
Smile daily.

Take lots of photographs.
Take more.
And when you think you have enough…take more.
Take as many of your littlest one as you did your firstborn.
Scrape together pennies to purchase a video camera before your 1st 4th baby is born…
Then remember to actually use it…

Hug your children several times a day.
Especially teens.
Embrace the differences in your children rather than molding them into what YOU think they ought to be.
Realize that not all babies are super cuddly and some are downright whiny…but still need lots of love.
Know that YOU will make lots and lots and lots of mistakes. Did I say lots? I meant GOBS.

Play games. Lots of games. Even if it’s the SAME game every day…
Let them lead the play time rather than the other way around.
Children don’t need every toy known to man even if the toys are wooden, natural and educational…
It’s okay to eat cereal for dinner.
It’s okay to follow that up with ice cream.
It’s good to raise your voice at times.
No yelling allowed.
Once again, model forgiveness…

Read to your children.
Read the Bible daily to your children.
Pray for and with your children.
Spend time with your children. Quality and quantity.
Try not to dwell on the past or worry about the future…
Trust the Lord in all things! He knows best.

Time and trials and joys teach you many things about who you are and who you want your children to be. And what legacy you want to leave with them so they can pass on those traits (hopefully, just the good ones!) to the next generation…

P.S. – the ‘letter’ is not finished…

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Ellen is am a homeschooling mother of 4 and wife to 1, knitter, and cooks some of the most amazing meals for her family. She blogs Hurrayic.

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